Aww. What does it even mean??? Do you really want to be controling who he is friends with and what memories he is allowed to keep? Reader's Dilemma: His Ex Still Has Pictures of the Two of Them on Facebook! my ex in a letter to my new bf (who I later married). You make me a better person." 7. Just my personal opinion., Thats so hard!! It sure makes me feel all warm and tingly inside You don't need to worry about this at all, it's just a box of stuff, like left over toys from being a kid or old college papers. If you find that he loves you truly, its good news for you. Should I bring this up at all? But, if he were to have an issue with the pictures, I would delete them. :) I always wondered what those were from. And a bit discourteous. My opinion. I think he still has feelings for this ex girlfriend. Little drops of rain whisper of the pain, tears of loves lost in the days gone by. I've decided not to bring it up with him and respect his choice to keep memories of his past. i understand they could be jalous, but really, it's not fair of them to want to get rid of those things. Do you really want to be that girl? I havent gone back to review but I have them. This strikes me as weird because he has thrown away all of the letters and cards I have ever given him. This just kept bugging me so I finally asked him about all these love letters from all his exs, and why he didnt keep mine. find every flaw, irrational or not, that i can. I really need some help and advice! Yeah. I didn't realize what they were at first, until I read a few sentences of one and then I kept reading. "I doubt you'll ever find someone who can love you as much as I did.". Theres this piece of you thats in your past. Mostly love letters. Keeping his past aside if he loves you, he does it from his heart. I definitely get this from my mother, who stores all types of notes and letters. The slight scary rationale guys use to not let go of their past: 20% of men who are in relationships say they have hidden photos of their exes from their current partner. We've talked about whether you keep photos of your ex-boyfriend around, and even where you store your old photos, but what about love. Im the type of person who is tempted to seek out affirmation and attention from outside of my relationship. I dont want to be tied to something thats no longer a part of my life and that I once had sentimental feelings for, especially if Im dating someone else. And obviously based on the fac tthat he instead chose to just hide the friendship from you it shows he's not happy about it. Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. Reddit, Inc. 2023. I keep them in a shoebox hidden away in my room. He has some that I wrote him, but he doesn't go back and look at them. To revisit this article, visit My Profile, thenView saved stories. There were plenty of people who disagreed with me and I didnt respond to them. Ofcourse my GF never fails to crop up a feud out of it at its slightest mention and we've had near breakoffs because of it. 2. Or. Ad Choices, Ask a Guy: "Why Do Men Think It's OK to Keep Old Love Letters From Ex-Girlfriends? 1. She Tried It: Inahsi Naturals Aloe Hibiscus Leave-In Conditioner & Detangler, Grammy Award-Winning Robert Glasper Celebrates Black Musics Impact on the American Sound, So it Begins: Must-Know Tips For Your Child's First Year of School, 1st Episode Drop: 'Listen To Black Women Podcast' On Relationships, Self-care And Body Hair, My Husband And I Attempted To Have A Creative Date Night At Home -Without A Babysitter - Here's How It Went, Black Travel Guide: A Look at Orlando's Must-See Attractions With Travel Expert Kellee Edwards, Tina Knowles And Richard Lawson Reportedly Split Quietly, Healing From Heart Failure: A Recovery Journey. Then I realized Id feel weird if my current boyfriend kept an old letter from some girl, so I threw it away. We've talked about whether you keep photos of your ex-boyfriend around, and even where you store your old photos, but what about love letters? He grew up, learned through experience, and became the guy you want to be with. Knowing all this, I don't really feel jealous about finding the letters, but I am perplexed. When I explained my reasoning, he understood where I was coming from. He was with the ex (28F) in question for 3 years, and they broke up in 2017. Like oh yeah, I did that, or that person was part of my life. Lines From Our Ex-Boyfriends' Love Letters, 5 Cute Texts Your Girl Is Dying To Get From You, 50 Seriously Cute Quotes To Make You (And Your True Love) Smile, 5 Things You Should Never, Ever Say On A Second Date, 5 Reasons Why Insecure People Are The Best People To Date, Trash Or Treasure Parties Are The Horrifying New Dating Trend And You May Have Attended One, 10 Love Quotes That People Need To Stop Posting On FB, Stat. And maybe you didn't realize but this is a forum..people usually respond to the threads they start. That said, I don't think there's a right or wrong answer. Leave your thoughts in the comments below. My [22F] boyfriend [26M] keeps love letters from his ex. I'm not trying to start anything here but i could never have that happen to me and i couldn't to that to my wife. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number. What harm would it do? The only reason he kept that is so that he can give it to his kids when they're older. Anyhow Annabelle, I guess we should just agree to disagree. 3. If your partner is not over their ex, you may feel their lack of commitment in your relationship. My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and a half. Has anyone else kept letters from their ex even if they've moved on to a different happy, loving relationship? After you've moved on and are in a new relationship, is it okay to keep notes and momentos that remind you of an old relationship? Does it bother you or do you think it's OK? Been on both sides. UPDATE: thanks everyone for weighing in! etc..the whole nine yards. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. I had kept a Valentine's letter from an ex for a long time because I thought it was funny, and I knew I had no real feelings for him so I didn't think it mattered. Youre keeping that person alive in memory. They say bad things about your current boyfriend or girlfriend. He dont mind reading those letter anymore. For a long time I kept them because I regarded them as something special and a part of my life and I do think that it is important to remember thatthe time you invested in them and the time you may have lost. You told him you were going to break up with him unless he dropped his friend? There are few expressions of love more romantic than a love letter. We asked the dudes at guyspeak.com (read more about them here), for their take on this dating conundrum: Q: Why do men keep old love letters from ex-girlfriends and think it's OK? Long Love Letters For Him That Make Him Cry . I felt very relieved and told him that it had just come as a shock to me when I saw them because of everything else that weve been going through lately (which I am still really struggling with, but I am going to start a new post about this see My boyfriends weird friendship with another girl advice?) and that he should do whatever he wanted to do with them. The material on this site may not be reproduced, distributed, transmitted, cached or otherwise used, except with the prior written permission of Cond Nast. I think its also unfair to your current partner if youre constantly comparing them to someone else. It's not right or wrong either way, and really doesn't necessarily mean anything about the current relationship. but once they are my exes, they are my exes ;) "The likeliest possibility is that they are reflecting about the relationship and are missing you," psychologist Samantha Rodman said. Ad Choices. If he says that things like this dont matter then how come the letters didnt make it in the trash, if it really didnt mean anything? I don't think it should matter if you keep notes and letters, especially since they're just memories, like pictures in an old photo album. yes! 3. don't be jealous, he is now yours and your present, the important is you make him very happy so that he will not have to look for another. I dont go back and read it, and its not in a special box labeled with all of his old things, but Ive just never seen the need to rid myself of absolutely everything from that experience. Black women I kept a few cards from my ex and his family, and I found them when I was cleaning things out last year. I eventually told him that I wasn't comfortable with it and wanted to break up. ", 7. My friends are amazing listeners who are. and i sure he keeps a lot of your memorabilia also. People throw that stuff away when they get engaged. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. Whether it's romance, friendship, family, co-workers, or Yikes, right? Not many people. I would be controlling if I told him what to do, but I don't and never have. "Loving you is like breathing, even though it's easy and sometimes forgotten about. I have so much fun with him, and he pushes me to do things and pursue interests that I never thought I could. Get rid of it! So in the hopes of keeping everything copacetic, I would get rid of them. Happiness, no more be sad, happiness.I'm glad. We've been together for a little over a year. For a different male perspective on love letters, read this post from Ryan on Single-ish. "If the sun refused to shine, I would still be loving you. Y'alls perspectives have given me clarity and peace that this isn't a big deal, everyone has pasts and memories they carry with them, myself included! My boyfriend of nearly 4 years asked me to go through his file cabinet to find papers he needed for work. If you keep making him choose and obsessing over such things he will eventually get sick of it and leave. It was love letters and notes from all his old girl friends, from junior high, high school and onwards. Looking for Joanna? Ok, I was going to put this under Getting Married but I thought Id post it under dating since many dating situations DO turn into engagements. I could understand where she was coming from. When we think aboutlove letters, it reminds us ofthat old-school type of romance. date with. Also he was the one who broke up with her. 1. I just want us to get past this. With his female friend, again, I didn't tell him what to do. In this case since you trust him there should not be any problem. My DH isn't big on letters and that type of stuff. Upon doing so, I noticed two folders behind the one he wanted me to look for that had his ex-girlfriends' name on them. All rights reserved. i am a very nostalgic person and i keep everything. The only letters I ever go back and read, however, are the ones written to me by none other than my Phillip, whos penned the greatest love letters of all time. I'm a big sentimental "keeper". We asked the dudes at guyspeak.com (read more about them here ), for their take on this dating conundrum: Q: Why do men. i have alllllll the old letters exes have given me. You dont stop caring for that person just because things didnt work out.. WOW thats so mature of youreally i dont think i wud have handled it so well! We have a mid-distance relationship, about a four hour drive, but we see each other every two weeks usually for at least 3-4 days. Use of this site constitutes acceptance of our User Agreement and Privacy Policy and Cookie Statement and Your California Privacy Rights. Can you see why I had to marry him?! Why does my boyfriend keep letters from his ex-girlfriends?. He doesnt, because he barely uses social media at all. "They are hesitant to commit to future events or activities, so they make up excuses in order to . That is the very definition of trying to control some one. They don't disappoint! We find a decent guy that treats us well and we let ourselves fall in love and make a commitment. Not creepy at all. I want to tell you very openly that I love you a lot for everything. Although, it also depends on how that person is dealing with their past, some people may not know how to deal with those memories. "I have been spoiled by your attention and love and I can never go without it again."
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